Comments from a Horrible and Regretful Cyclist

Good Morning World!!!

We woke up late today, and by late I mean 7am. Which meant that I did not have time to get myself ready, feed Jo, and prepare lunches before Jordan had to be at work. Most times he just goes late, but today he is going to a meeting about ISYS research during his lunch break. So he can't just skip it and make up for the time lost in the morning.
As a result of all this, I was not able to go to my 9am spinning class. I am somewhat conflicted about this outcome. On the one hand, I saved myself an hour of pure torture. On the other hand, I know I will miss that satisfying moment when I get off the bike and say "I did it! I survived! My legs feel like jello, my brain is all a fuzz, and my arms are shaking - but I did not surrender! I fought a good fight!"
Granted my good fights are pathetic compared to everyone else in the class.
The woman who is 6 months pregnant and cycles next to me can go twice as fast, and everyone else in the class can go twice as fast as her. I won't even talk about my teacher.
They have a poster of Lance Armstrong on the wall and all I can think is "his life must be continual pain." How anyone can spend their lives cycling is beyond me. Any more than three hours a week and I would be suicidal.
Everyone else comes into the class with big smiles on their faces, all wet from just finishing their swim training. And they cheer during class! Yes, CHEER!! I mean we will have just finished two minutes of power-jumps, (if you don't know what those are, count your blessings), and then the teacher screams into the microphone, "Keep it up! Don't let yourself fall behind" and the whole class responds with "WooHoo! Yeah!" One woman even claps sometimes.
What do I do? I practice self-control. Not in making myself work harder, oh no, by that point I can't even feel my legs anymore. I practice self-control by trying not to think evil thoughts about my smiling, perfectly skinny, teacher. Who somehow has her hair softly flowing down her smooth slender shoulders. Doesn't this woman ever sweat?
When I glance up at the clock (this takes a lot of effort) and see there are still ten minutes of class I feel like crying. I want to get off my bike and crawl out of the room. But I can't do this. I can't let my teacher, miss Cylcist Barbie, win. I refuse to give her the satisfaction.
So I keep cycling, as fast as I can, which is rather slow really. And I loathingly listen as the two girls in front of me start talking about the marathon they ran on Saturday.
Cyclist 1: "How do you think you did?"
Cyclist 2: "I did okay. I wasn't really trying this time. I just signed up for fun."
Cyclist 1: "Yeah, those are the best marathons. When you just do it to relax and get outside."
I hold my breath to keep myself from puking all over her Utah County Triathlon shirt. But then I realize I am getting dizzy, I've lost the ability to hear, and am slowly falling to the left. I quickly take two deep breaths to keep from completely passing out and take another peek at the clock. Eight minutes left!!!! You've gotta be kidding me!!
After a millenium, (and not the fun kind when Christ will rule the earth. Pretty sure cycling classes will be banned during that one) class is finally over. Everyone else gets off their bike (Cyclist Barbie springs off with a cheerful smile on her sweat-free face). They all begin to stretch and act all chummy. I just sit on my bike staring at the handle bars. I'm afraid that if I try and clamber off I will fall over because me feet are numb.
Once everyone has left I stumble off my bike and stare at Jo sitting in her carseat. I grab the handle with both hands and literally drag her out of the classroom. I collapse on a couch in the hallway. Still breathing heavily.

Then something miraculous happens. Then comes that moment of pure satisfaction - "I did it! I survived! My legs feel like jello, my brain is all a fuzz, and my arms are shaking - but I did not surrender! I fought a good fight!"
And I can go throughout the rest of my day feeling like a champion. No matter how bad dinner tastes, no matter how long it takes me to find the right flavor of ice-cream at the grocery store, no matter how dirty the floors are, or how fussy Jo is. I did not give up, I did not back down. I survived spinning!! And that is really saying something.

My Personal Field of Daffodils

From time to time I experience one of those "Wordsworthian" moments of transcendence. Today it happened after I gave up on taking a nap because Jo was squeaking like a mouse on cocaine who happened to be at a county carnival.
I put Jo in her swing, snuggled her into a blanket and turned on Jordan's Piano Classics CD. I just sat there and watched Jo bat at her toys and chew on her blanket. She cooed when I talked with her, she smiled when I smiled, and we could hear the rain as it gently tapped at her window. In every way it was a perfect moment.
For anyone who does not know, my unfulfilled dream is to travel to London, visit the Lake District, and take a moment to breathe in the scent of Wordsworth's famous daffodil field. There is a study abroad at BYU which does this every Fall, but being married makes this very unpractical. I was deeply disappointed, but life goes on and you get over things.
Although, today I can't help but feeling, that no matter how glorious it would be to visit the home of the Romantic Poets and some of the greatest novelists (Austen and the Brontes) nothing could compare to this moment with my beautiful daughter. Apt 6 has become my own field of Daffodils.

Transcendence comes in unexpected moments. It sweeps you up and forces you to focus on the sublime things still in the world. In many ways it is like hot cocoa for your heart, or a warm cupcake for the soul.

For those of you who do not know who or what poem I am talking about (Shame on you). I have included a copy below.

Wordsworth "Daffodils" - 1804
I WANDER'D lonely as a cloud
That floats on high o'er vales and hills,When all at once I saw a crowd,
A host, of golden daffodils;Beside the lake, beneath the trees,Fluttering and dancing in the breeze.
Continuous as the stars that shine
And twinkle on the Milky Way,They stretch'd in never-ending line
Along the margin of a bay:Ten thousand saw I at a glance,Tossing their heads in sprightly dance.
The waves beside them danced; but they
Out-did the sparkling waves in glee:A poet could not but be gay,
In such a jocund company:I gazed -- and gazed -- but little thought What wealth the show to me had brought:
For oft, when on my couch I lie
In vacant or in pensive mood,They flash upon that inward eye
Which is the bliss of solitude;And then my heart with pleasure fills,And dances with the daffodils.

P.S. (For anyone who does not yet have a copy of Jordan's CD, I deeply pity you. One may be purchased for $X when contributed to the Camp Family Reunion Fund).
P.S. If you have never read Austen or the Bronte Sisters - get yourself to a library!

Musing for the Day

Today Jordan and I rolled out of bed at 6:30 with very heavy eyelids. Jo had already been crying for quite some time and we could ignore her pleadings no longer. Whenever Jo sees her rescuer she does this odd thing where she begins to smile rather largely but continues crying at the same time. We hope it does not mean she is prone to emotional confusion.
I told Jordan I was too tired to go to the gym, he then encouraged me to stay home, sleep, and eat all day. Which means I ended up going to the gym, running around all day, and eating very little. I have an innate tendency to do exactly the opposite of what I am told. My mother has had a difficult life. I know it is a major flaw, but I cannot help it. It lurks deep within me somewhere and cannot be cured. I have a hopeless case of chronic disobedience.
Jordan was a good little boy and went to work, he always does what he is supposed to. Last Friday when he "skipped" work I was quite surprised. Then he told me he was already scheduled to be out of the office, and that his appointment had been canceled. I knew such a rebellious streak could not have existed behind that innocent red-headed complexion.
Has anyone else noticed that red-heads are either completely good, like Dumbledore (before it turned white), or extremely devilish like Poison-Ivy from Batman?
Anyways, we all fulfilled our respective duties to the tee. Jordan sat in front of a computer punching numbers all day and dreaming of PhD school. I got all excited about a show on campus and then canceled because it was raining and I didn't want Jo to get wet on the long walk. And Jo cried, pooped, slept, and giggled until she got the hiccups. I would say, of the three of us, Jo is the most talented.
Sometimes I sit back and wonder how I landed here. A successful and loving husband, who supports us not only monetarily but in every way. An adorable baby who keeps me on my feet. And a wonderful home filled with hundreds of books and a very well-played piano.

All in all, life is good. Who could ask for more?

Adventures from the last month or so

First, we had Jo's blessing on September 5th. We were so lucky to have good family come into town to support us and Jo. She looked so cute in both her white dresses! (one for the blessing, one for the social afterwards). Jo's grandma Mary made her blessing dress many years ago for her babies to be baptized in. Jo is the 8th one to use it.

Another exciting adventure we had was to go to my sister Andrea's wedding to Ivica Marinovic down in St. George. They are such a cute and fun couple and we had a great time being down there for their wedding. Last, but not least, we got to go down to Kanab for my Grandpa's 90th birthday party! He is such a fun guy. We love him so much and are glad we got to spend time with him and honor his great life. We had a thanksgiving-style dinner and some funny entertainment, too!

Play, play, play

Playing is all we have been doing recently. Again, I'm too lazy to take the time to upload pictures to Blogger since they are all on Facebook. Anyone not on Facebook write a comment and I can send you a link to pictures of our adventures.

We had a great time going to Shaun and Lanette's Harry Potter birthday party on July 31st. We are all nerdy HP fanatics! hehehe. We dressed up Jo as a baby mandrake plant, Kayleen went as Hermione, and I went as the Harry Potter 7 book. Thanks to Tricia for helping with the costumes! It was fun.

This weekend we had the Camp family reunion in Salt Lake, as well as a bridal shower for my sister Andrea. It was a lot of fun to just see and chat with the Camp side of the family. And I got to go mini-golfing with Bradley and Ivica (Ivica won). Anyway, we are just playing the summer away. Next weekend we will be back down in Enterprise for another bridal shower, the next weekend for Andrea and Ivica's wedding. We will be celebrating our two year anniversary soon, and then have family coming from all over for Jo's blessing at church.

One of these days we will settle down..... or not. :)

24th Weekend

We had a great time celebrating the 24th of July with my family down in Enterprise / St. George. (For those not from Utah, July 24th is a state holiday celebrating the founding of our state by the Mormon pioneers). We got to see my mom's new place and go swimming with Heidi, Trevor, and Kelson, and hang out with Rebekah, Andrea, and Ivica, too!

Of course I was lame and didn't really take many pictures. There is a cute one of Jo with her aunts but I haven't uploaded it yet. Anyway, it was a fun weekend. We are so thankful to have family closeby to celebrate special occasions with.

Jo's Story and Reflections on being a papa

Note: To see more pictures of Jo, comment on the post or email me and I can send a link to our Facebook album)

Being a papa is so amazing. My baby, Josephine Rose Barlow, was born on June 24th, 2010. The whole experience was wonderful, and I could never hope to come close to describing in a blog post. But I thought I would try.

Jo was born one day after her due date. Kayleen had not been progressing (as far as dilation, etc.) in over a week, and so the doctor suggested that it would be okay to induce her on Thursday morning the 24th. We felt good about this decision and were excited to finally know when our baby would be here.

We drove to Orem Community Hospital at 6:15 a.m. We were tired, but too excited and a little nervous to notice. The hospital experience was wonderful--nice rooms, good environment, great nurses. They got Kayleen an IV first thing and started the pitocin to induce labor. A few hours later Kayleen got an epidural and the doctor broke her water. She still didn't progress until the middle of the afternoon, but we enjoyed the day together just watching movies, reading books, taking naps, etc. It really was a relaxing day (and a nice break from being at work!). Our moms were both there throughout parts of the day, which was also fun. Kayleen's mom Mary stayed at our house for a few weeks while visiting from Minnesota, which was great. She spoiled us and Jo so much! We really were so lucky to have her there with us. Anyway, we chatted with them through the afternoon and evening.

Finally around 4 p.m. Kayleen was starting to dilate more. We got more and more excited that our baby would be here soon. I think Kayleen was the calmest out out everyone in the room, even at 10 cm dilated and ready to push. It really was so nice that everything went so smoothly for us, and labor was not bad for Kayleen. Jo was born at 10:09 p.m. I will always remember her first little scream that brought tears to my eyes, and then holding her for the first time. She was and is so beautiful and perfect.

Kayleen and I love little Jo with all our hearts. She can be a handful sometimes, but she is worth it. Being a parent is truly indescribable. We have been so lucky to have such a perfect and beautiful little baby to call us parents.

Barlow family

This is my favorite picture of Kayleen and Jo. I love them both so much!!!!

Springtime Adventures

Here are some pictures of some adventures we have had this Spring. We have gone to Thanksgiving Point Gardens twice. We went to my work's Spring Retreat in Midway for a weekend. And we went to the zoo! The warmer weather has been really nice. And it's nice to be out of school and have a full-time income, too. Enjoy!

These owls were actually at the waterfall at the gardens. This is not a picture from the zoo. :)

Graduation

This week I graduated from BYU. On Thursday was the University Commencement. I walked in the processional up to the Marriott Center along with thousands of other happy grads. We heard Elder Christofferson speak as well. Kayleen took me out to eat at Red Robin afterward and we also took some pictures with the tulips on campus. That night Kayleen had a little graduation party for me and a cake. Some of our friends came over and we visited till the late hours of the night. It was very fun!!

On Friday were the college convocations. The Marriott School of Management had its convocation in the evening. We heard from Bill Marriott, the CEO of Marriott International. He gave a very excellent speech. Then we sat through a couple of hours of grads walking across the stage to shake hands with the dean and department heads. They also had a large piece of the Marriott Center basketball floor that Bill Marriott signed along with all of this year's graduates which will be kept in the Tanner Building on campus (where the business school is) as a remembrance of Mr. Marriott coming to our graduation this year!

There are too many pictures that I wanted to post, so I am just posting the link to the picture album on Facebook (most of you are on Facebook anyway but the link doesn't require you to log in to Facebook -- anyone can see it).

Click here for pictures: http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2330170&id=17829252&l=34e5a8fdd2

My new favorite toy

This is my new distraction.

I'm trying to concentrate on getting through another final week of school before I graduate. And I'm trying to stay on top of all my work at Squire, which is not easy considering it is an accounting firm and the tax deadline is next week. And I'm thinking about Kayleen's birthday coming up. And getting gifts put together for my wife, mother, and mother-in-law for Mother's Day. And trying to meet my personal goals. And thinking of all the books I want to read.

I don't need a distraction, but there it is all the same. It takes up an hour or two every day that I can't keep myself from playing it, and a lot of lost productivity comes from daydreaming about all the songs and ideas and projects I have in my head now.