The Move

FINALLY! I have a few minutes to sit down and write. I don't think I have written since I turned in that last paper to office 4166 of the fourth floor of the JFSB on the 15th of June. (A very pivotal point in my life.) My fingers are a little clumsy on the keys, and my mind seems slower than before, but I'M WRITING!!! And it feels so good. I imagine it is what breathing fresh air again, after being trapped in a submarine for several months, must feel like.

Well, to catch everyone up, I finished classes, Jo turned one, I graduated from BYU, Jordan quit his job, we moved to Indiana, Jordan started school, and I visited my parents in Minnesota for two weeks. Now we are back "home", Jo is taking a nap, and I am writing instead of picking up the toddler tornado that just happened in the living room. It is kind of sad if you think about it. I get the same guilty pleasure from not cleaning my house that I once got from sneaking out at night, and flirting with other girls' boyfriends. I'm still trying to figure out how I became an adult.

Now. For the actual blogpost.

Indiana has been a challenge. All of it has been a challenge. As many of my friends know, I had a spaz attack the day we cleaned the apartment back in Provo because I couldn't get the blinds clean. (I apologize to you all, sincerely.) The next morning was a disaster. The kitchen floor was a filthy mess, we had cleaning checkout in fifteen minutes, and Jo was being super needy. I realized the oven hadn't been cleaned, and the only supplies I had were wet wipes. I scrubbed the oven as hard as I could and then started on the muddy, greasy floor. Jo started crying about something, so I lost my patience and told her to leave me alone and burst into tears myself. Then, my sweet little girl went to the wet wipes container, put a wipe in each hand, and sat next to me on the kitchen floor and began scrubbing. She was down on her hands, crawling around cleaning up the mess. I will never forget the way my heart dissolved into pure love and appreciation for that incredible one year old.

We passed the cleaning checks, by a miracle, and Jo and I went off to say goodbye to friends and try to make a few more memories. And we did make memories! I loved talking with my dear friend, Megan, the next morning and being even more convinced how amazing and inspiring that woman is. I was so grateful to spend extra time with my wonderful friend, Julia, and realizing she loved me just as much as I love her. And I had so much fun staying up way too late with my sister-in-law, Rebekah, and talking about everything from Guatemala, boys next door, and pregnancy and feeling more like friends than in-laws.

My last two days in Utah were wonderful. But, the party had to end sometime, and it did the night before we left, when Jo was up till 5 a.m. screaming her head off before finally passing out in exhaustion two hours before we had to leave. I must have looked a little desperate the next day as we flew across the country on our own. The flights were crowded, the layover was long, and my last flight was delayed. It took every ounce of self control not to deck the woman sitting next to me who obviously thought I was unfit to be a mother, because I couldn't get my child to take a nap on a crowded plane. Then she kept telling everyone sitting around us how she raised all her children perfectly and never let them cry in public. If you are that kind of person, don't be! It's obnoxious.

I had already purchased my ticket for the 4:15 shuttle, but since my plane was delayed, I would be landing only a few minutes before that. Since there was a horrible, bossy, unsympathetic baggage man in SLC who wouldn't let me carry on my tiny bag, I still had to wait at baggage claim. Our plane finally landed and I was a nervous wreck. If we missed the shuttle, it meant I would have to spend another twenty dollars on a different ticket, and wait two hours at the airport for the next shuttle. Call me crazy, but the idea of spending another two hours in an airport with a baby who had only slept two hours made me feel like jumping out of the plane without a parachute.

Jo and I ran to baggage claim, and waited, and waited, and waited. Everyone else's bag got off but mine. And it was 4:14. Finally, at 4:15 my bag arrived. I pulled the bag with my right hand, pushed the carseat and stroller with my left, and Jo and I ran as fast as we could. Then I realized I had no idea where the shuttle was supposed to pick me up. I fianlly stopped a random chauffer and said, "Where does the shuttle come?" He looked into my wild eyes and said, "Which one? There are hundreds." I screamed, "The Bloomington one!" He said, "Oh, go out those doors, cross two streets, go into that building, take a right, go out the second pair of doors, and then someone there can direct you."

I wanted to sit down in cry, but instead I started running again. I found the "someone" he must have been referring to sitting behind a desk, popping gum, and facebooking. I asked her, "Did the Bloomington shuttle leave already?" Without looking up, she nodded. I deflated, and, believe it or not, said, "No!" so desperately she tore her eyes away from the latest social gossip. "You can go out there and check," was her helpful comment. So I grabbed our bag, the stroller, and headed outside. It was there alright, pulling away about ten feet in front of me. I figured I had nothing to lose, so I jumped up and down, waved my arms, and shouted as loud as I could. "Wait!! I have to get on!" People stared at me, of course, but to my grateful amazement the shuttle stopped and the driver came out to help me with my bag and stroller. I could have kissed her, but instead I said thanks and made a mental note to call the Vatican and have her sainted.

We got on the shuttle, played musical chairs so Jo and I could sit next to each other, and then pulled out of the airport. I had survived. And it was all going to be okay. Jo fell asleep in like thirty seconds and I turned to look out the window. Something very strange was happening. No matter where I looked I couldn't see any mountains. I knew it was useless, but I turned my head every which way, and still couldn't find any. I suddenly felt so very alone. It finally hit me that we weren't living in Utah anymore. And I could feel a very near and dear piece of my heart chip away. I burst into sobs. Everyone on that shuttle probably thought I was crazy. I cried, hard, for the entire hour and a half ride to Bloomington, where I was dropped off at a Holiday Inn, and then stood in the parking lot and cried even harder.

I had spent four short years of my life in Utah. But the friends I made there were some of the most important of my life. I still miss them tremendously. Megan had been there from the beginning and I can't imagine what college would have been like without her - she was that friend who always answered the phone and always took your side, even if it wasn't her side. She married Jason just five days after Jordan and I were married and I thought that was the best party ever. Then they had Madelyn, and I can't even imagine all the pain and joy they went through. But, other than Jordan, Madelyn has strengthened my testimony of Jesus Christ and Heavenly Father's plan for us more than anyone else. Before they put Madelyn down for a nap, Megan and Jason always sing a song that goes, "I am like a star shining brightly," and I can't think of anything more true. Her spirit just shines.

Shaun and Lanette were so sweet, always baking cookies, and making rolls and having us over for dinner. And I'm pretty sure they should be made into a reality TV show because they are hilarious. Especially now that they have Iris. If anyone wants to see the power of adoption, just go over to their house and watch them oogle over that baby who is drowning in affection. If you ever hear of a mother looking to place a child, call me, because I know two of the best parents in this universe. Any child raised in their home is a child who faces adoration suffocation. I'm dead serious, too.

I also think of the friends who had already left. Kerri went to Chile for a mission, Megan and Brian went to Nebraska for school, Ron moved to Texas and left us all in shock, Tricia and Jason moved to California and broke my heart, and then Jake and Julia moved to Arizona a few days after we left. They are all great friends that we will always remember.

And that is why I sat in that parking lot bawling. I knew I had met some of the most amazing people, and been blessed to call them friends, and that I was really going to miss them.

And I really do. But, we have cell phones, Facebook, blogs, and hopefully a trip to Nauvoo next summer.

So, thank you, Utah, for being awesome. If the next five years in Indiana are half as good as the last four in Utah, then I am in for a treat.


P.S. Bradley and Brandon, you both are saints. Having you here made such a difference and helped me feel like everything was going to work out. I was so grateful to have some faces from Utah those first few days when I was an emotional catastrophe. Really, it made us all feel so much better.