He Calls Us By Name - Not Number

Being normal is not one of my strengths. The first sixteen years of my life I tried desperately to look like everyone else, to talk like everyone else, to dress like everyone else, and to act like everyone else. Then I attended Perpich Center for the Arts Education - a breeding ground for weirdos. And I finally realized that I could be as odd as I pleased without forgoing any chance at success. Now I try to be exactly who I want to be every day. But that doesn't mean I always want to be the same person.

I think one of my favorite hobbies is trying to continually reinvent myself. In high school I was the obsessive artist. Constantly working on my creations, going a week without showering, glorying in blistered feet, wearing the oddest arrangement of second-hand clothing I could find, eating no meat, and fighting the evils of global warming.

Today I am very different. I rarely find time to create anything other than a spotless bathroom, I still don't like showering, but I do it regularly out of common courtesy for my fellow men, I am terrified of blisters, I opt for the very plain t-shirt and jeans, I love hamburger, and think the warmer it gets the better!

I do not blame this strange phenomenon on identity confusion or personality crisis. Instead, I have realized that none of these things make me ME. No matter what I choose to eat or wear, I can never remove God's permanent stamp that labels me "worthwhile." Worthwhile enough that the God of heaven and earth would descend below all things for my sake.

I think my greatest struggle is believing what I just said. (Yes - I am a raging hypocrite.) Jordan sometimes comes home to find me crying over my uselessness. I often refer to myself as "a worthless lump that will never accomplish anything." I say there is no point to my existence, I shouldn't have been born, or I wish I could disappear and stop failing everyone. Jordan, of coarse, responds in the most Christlike manner and reminds me of God's opinion of me, and my irreversible eternal nature. 99.9% of the good things you read on this blog are things Jordan has taught me. And 100% of the bad stuff is from me.

No one is useless. I used to think that was another way of saying everyone is useless. If all of us were special, then none of us could be special. But this is so wrong and twisted. Every single one of us is a son or daughter of God. The children of a loving Heavenly Father with infinite love for us individually.

Would I ever love Josephine less because I might have another baby? Does any mother say "Oh that one isn't important, I've got seven more." No. Every woman knows she would instantly give her life for each and every one of her children. Whether they were the first, third, or seventeenth.

God is the exact same way. Except that he is way cooler. So he would just as readily give his life for the first, one-thousandth, or ninety-seven-billionth child of his creation. He actually already did that.


We are not human number 7685 to him. God calls us by name. Whether it be Kayleen, Julie, Benjamin, or Smerdyakov. And he has blessed all of us with the most sacred name he could give us - "my child."

I am sure I will have more days when I am overwhelmed with feelings of uselessness and I refer to myself as "the lump." But I know that God loves me, and I know that Christ died for me, ans that "uselessness" is a lie Satan has created to tear me away from love.

He calls us by name - not by number.