Exciting Living

Jordan is playing music that makes my heart melt on his piano, and Jo is attempting to crawl using one leg, and I am obviously sitting at my computer writing. Life here is normal, but also exciting.

When I was in highschool I believed that exciting only meant being irresponsible, spontaneous, hyper, and flirtatious. I used to go to disco dance parties with strobe lights and sparkly pants at the dormitory laundry room, or go run around lakes in freezing temperatures, or stay up late jumping on beds while listening to Pink Floyd. To me these activities were what brought excitement and happiness.

A lot has changed since then, and I am sure all my friends think I am boring now. Spontaneity now means making sure I have diapers, wipes, three burp rags, a spoon, mashed carrots, and an extra onesie before I head out the door. I can't be irresponsible, or I might end up with a child screaming at the top of her lungs in the library (that was last Thursday). I am hyper when I have ten minutes to myself and can run around like a maniac trying to decide how to use my precious time. And flirtatious involves sneaking in a kiss for Jordan before Jo makes things awkward by staring at us and drooling.

My life is in a different galazy than it was four years ago. I might as well be hanging out with cling-ons and Chewbacca. (I pretty much am - Jo is the cling-on, and Jordan is my Chewbacca.)

I am young, healthy, and ready for adventure. I talked to a good friend from high school the other day. She asked me what was new, I said "Flu shots and baby teeth." I asked her what was new, and she said "Parties, boys, and clothes." When I compare my life to that of my highschool friends', I feel old and uninteresting. I don't buy new clothes - I buy diapers and rash cream, I don't go out with new boys - I share dinner every night with the same man I have for the past three years, I don't go to parties - I tickle my 6 month old and play scrabble.

Sometimes I wonder if I got married too young, had kids too soon, and missed out on my chance for the bright lights of uptown, the thrill of hot pink lipstick, and a loud bass beat pumping my blood. All of these things are the Hollywood versions of exciting, and appear to be what every 21 year old girl with a love for dancing should be doing.

I love to dance, and I am still barely above drinking age. And I must admit that every time we get out of the house to go dancing, or romance at a fancy restaurant is like a burst of sweet oxygen after being trapped inside a vacuum for years. But this is not the life I chose for myself. I had my chance to be the flippant bachelorette who cared for high-heeled boots and sparkly tank-tops more than baby hairbows and missing socks.

My life is by no means the standard definition of exciting and fresh. But it offers these sensations in a way no Hollywood producer could understand. Seeing my daughter smile for the first time was more heart-thrilling than being sung to by the cute blonde guitar player on stage for my seventeenth birthday. Knowing Jordan will be home in only half an hour is more exciting than waiting for Friday night's techno jam. And hanging with Jordan and Jo is more satisfying than finding myself with a cute stranger at the club.

So, even though my purse is filled with bibs and extra onesies instead of eyeshadow and extra lipgloss, I think my life is pretty exciting. I have been given the joy of love and security. I would take that over spontaneity, irresponsibility, and expendable funds any day.

I know my life has meaning. I see that meaning every day when Jo morphs into a bundle of smiles when I take her from the crib every morning. I see it when Jordan gratefully accepts my hug and chocolate chip cookies after a long day at work. I see it when we start giggling over spit up or playing kung-fu with our chopsticks.

Nothing can be more thrilling than finding those you love most find joy in your presence. I am glad I made the decision I did. I wouldn't go back and change it for anything. I have everything happiness and fulfillment requires. I revel in my current life and sometimes wonder how my old friends live without the incredible blessings of family.

Life at the Barlow home is one adventure after another. And I am ready to take on them all - as long as they don't interfere with naptime.