That Wasn't Water

When I was seven years old, my older brother, Jacob, had a best friend named McKenzie who lived across the street. McKenzie was twelve (don't ask me why he was hanging around with a nine year old) and I thought he was a hunk. He was older, wore glasses, and seemed to know everything. I did all I could to convince McKenzie that I was the girl for him - I annoyed him and my brother without end.

One day, the three of us were outside on a hot summer's day in Eldorado, Kansas, having a water balloon fight. The teams were divided very poorly; it was myself against two merciless older boys. I willingly accepted the beating, though, because I wanted to hang out with my cool older brother and his dashing friend.

After some time we got down to the last water balloon. I was glad that I could escape from being pelted by rubber filled with cold hose water, and also glad that I could now run inside and go to the bathroom without being called a "chicken."

Jake stopped me before I could get to the door, though. "Bean, pop this water balloon over our heads."

As much as I wanted to instantly please them, I knew I couldn't hold it much longer. "I have to go to the bathroom."

"Just do it real quick, it will only take a second."

"Jake, I have to go potty first."

"Come on, just do it fast."

I looked over at McKenzie waiting for me and very foolishly decided to comply. We quickly ran to the backyard where the swing set was. My brother and his friend stood underneath the middle of the monkey bars and instructed me to take the water balloon, go hold it right above their heads, and then pop it so they would both be splattered. Neither of them seemed to notice how desperately I was doing the potty dance.

I grabbed the balloon, climbed the monkey bars, and positioned myself so that I was directly over both boys. I began to twist - nothing happened. I folded it in half and twisted it again, I smashed it between my two hands as hard as I could. It seemed that this water balloon had been made with stronger rubber than all the other ones. I squeezed and squeezed, I even bit it, but no matter what I did the water balloon would just not break.

Then something terrible happened. I froze. I could feel it going, but I was powerless to stop it. I began panicking as my bladder gushed out everything it had been holding in for so long. It only lasted a few moments, but those few moments have left a deep impression in my memory.

I looked down to see Jake and McKenzie get sprayed with the last of my urine. Jake had a somewhat puzzled expression on his face. He turned to McKenzie and asked, "Why was it warm?"

Both boys looked up to see me sitting directly above them, still holding the water balloon in my shaking hands. Understanding broke across their faces and they both yelled "Ewwww!" They sprinted for the hose and immediately began fighting over the water. I hurriedly climbed down from my perch of shame and bolted for the house. I locked myself in the bathroom and knew that it was over.

Jake would torment me with this humiliation for the rest of my life. I was branded. Even worse, McKenzie would never like me. From now on I would only be known as the girl who peed on his head.

I would like to say that this was the last time I ever peed on someone, but that would be a lie. My older sister Regina received an unpleasant surprise when I used my bladder as a weapon of revenge.

But that is another story, for another day.

Today we will leave it with, "That Wasn't Water".